I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize