After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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