I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
