So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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