a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
