I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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