Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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