Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
