so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh god it's open bar.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
