I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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