she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
