i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
