is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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