She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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