We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
