i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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