It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
