you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
