What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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