So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
