Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
