I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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