i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize
