Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
