it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
