She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
