you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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