Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
