I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
