The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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