Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
