Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
