I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
