At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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