It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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