Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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