She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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