Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
