i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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