You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
