That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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