sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
