he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
