i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
