I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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