I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize