i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
