woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
