I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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