And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
