I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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