If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
