I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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