im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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