What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
In America we eat man semen.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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