Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize