He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
