Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
