ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
