Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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