I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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