i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize