I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
