he shaved USA in his pubs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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