It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
