you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
