Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
