I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
