He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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