Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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