Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize