ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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