I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
