This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
