he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
