We're facebook friends in real life
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
