hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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