Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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