Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Mom said you looked used
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
