how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
