So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
