Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
