When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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