I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize