Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
