Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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