i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
