If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
