I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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