I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize