I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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