I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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