Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize