Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
