i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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