why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
