words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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