Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
