To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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