Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
