my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
