The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize