I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
