i don't plan on having that self control this summer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
