margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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