can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
